Thursday, June 20, 2013


Brutus, our sweet canary, had a bit of a mishap about three months ago. As is customary every few months, we took him to the bird boutique to get his toe nails clipped. The woman behind the counter was a bit rough in handling him; she tweaked his wing. Brutus was very still and quiet all the way home and upon being returned to his cage. We discovered he couldn't fly, only hop and flutter a bit. In short, Brutus had a dislocated wing. So, a week and half and a couple of vet visits later, Brutus can fly a bit but mostly sits alone in his cage, taking it day by day, just waiting. Waiting to get better, waiting to heal. With no song in his heart or on his tongue. I missed his songs. (We had quite the morning repertoire going, he and I.) That is what canaries do best. They sing the most beautiful songs…

I've had much spiritual growth over the years but, in recent months, times have been most difficult. A lot of dying to self and unlearning habits, confronting my past and the hurts that lie there, seeking to understand, accept and live His love and grace more fully and trying to find myself for who He made me to be. A LOT of pain, some darkness. A LOT of wrestling with my flesh. A LOT of being alone in my cage waiting to get better, to be healed. Trying to find the joy despite the circumstance with no fear. Waiting on Him. Praying for wisdom and revelation. Waiting for my song, my true song, to find its way back into my heart so I can fly again.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Cor 5:17

It has been worth the wait! I've turned the corner and am becoming a conqueror by Christ Who strengthens me.  I am once again becoming a new creation in Him.  I am healing. I am seeing things with new eyes, His eyes, and thinking more with the mind of Christ. I am singing a new song: a song of joy in the suffering, a song of hope in the waiting, and song of thanksgiving to the One Who is Faithful and True and the blessings He provides to those who seek Him diligently.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him
Hebrews 11:6

Oh, sing to the Lord a new song!
For He has done marvelous things;
His right hand and His holy arm have gained Him the victory. Psalm 98:1

He IS there. He is listening. He is watching. He is waiting. He is Love. He is Light. He is Life. He makes all things new including you. If you are yielded, He can truly do a marvelous work in YOU.

He has increased my faith. He has been victorious! Certainly He has yet more work to do in this heart; however, I face whatever comes stronger than before. By the way, Brutus is singing a new song again, too.  Beautiful as ever. And, he is a new creation learning to cope with limited flying abilities and he is doing just fine.....

For “who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Cor 2:16

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


It has been almost six years since my mother entered eternal slumber awaiting the voice of the King to awaken her at His call.  My life has most certainly changed without her. A few changes for the worse: no motherly advise or words of wisdom, no grandmother for my children, no extended family. And, as God would have it, my life has changed in many ways for the better.

I do miss her. I miss her presence in my life. It wasn't always easy with Mom; however, there was comfort in knowing she was there, that she loved me, that she was family, that we had a long shared history together. Someone to share family recipes and memories with that no one else could. All of that goodness left me when she did. There is still a hole in that space for me. 

Our last days together were really more apart than together. (See my blog post "A Pillar of Salt").  So much strife, heartache, pain. I certainly don't miss that! Naturally, I was left with a sense of deep hurt, confusion and abandonment. Bitterness and resentment threatened to seep into my soul.  I pulled up my bootstraps, put on my armor and guarded myself through prayer, His Word and His Spirit.

It took me about three years to get to a place of peace.  I had forgiven. I had rationalized about what when on between us during those last days. I had talked out my feelings with myself, my husband, and with God. At times, I thought I had already reached the summit ready to conquer but alas, I was not able to plant my flag of victory because I wasn't really there. Something was not quite right. Something was missing...

My spirit struggled with the sense of ...... ?  Unforgiveness? Bitterness? I couldn't figure out what it was but I knew it was there. It tugged at my heart. So, last week, in prayer I asked Him to help me, to reveal whatever I was holding on to, whatever was holding me in bondage.

God is a god, the God, of details. He does care about the smallest of things.  As I do. I am a person of details. Most of the time. Because of this aspect of my personality, I keep a basket of cards I've received from people in my life that have been encouraging and edifying. When reread, the sentiments and details bring to mind truth during dark moments of questioning, struggle and doubt.

Well, I decided to 'clean out' that basket today. Guess what I found?!  A card from my mother. She gave it to me not long before she died. It is a beautiful Blue Mountain card with a prayer for a daughter written on it. And, on the back of the card, my mom wrote "I love you and I always want you to remember that.  Mom."  I read those words and burst into tears. I don't recall reading them before....

I needed closure. Those words provided sweet closure for me today. Though death and years have separated us, Mom and I have reconciled through those words. We have overcome the differences we had at the end of her life when Parkinson's robbed her of her body and her right mind. She knew things weren't right but, at that point in her life, she couldn't overcome her difficulties. Fortunately, Mom left me a love note. Despite everything, she still loved me. Those words were what I needed to hear at this moment and a most certain answer to my prayer. Through God's bountiful grace and mercy, Mom spoke to me beyond the grave, words of love and healing.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him for what He has done, is doing, and will do. It all has glorious purpose.  Praise Him who is a God of details leaving no stone unturned. Praise Him for being Love and for loving us so much that He gives us just what we need when we need it most!

And, the added beauty of it all is that these are His words to me just as much as my mother's words: "I love you and I always want you to remember that.... God." His love letter to me...and YOU!

"Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness;
He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous."  Psalm 112:4