I AM WAS THERE

Do you ever reflect on days gone by, times past, younger years?  Do you every reminisce and ponder the 'what ifs' of having made different choices? Where you'd be today and how your life would be different?

I do. Even more so as I grow older. Not with regret. With curiosity. Especially during those years when I walked apart from the Breath of Life. When I tried to fly solo and crashed and burned so many times.

Do you ever wonder, during those solo flights, where He was when you hadn't yet called His name? I did.

Who has performed and done it, Calling the generations from the beginning? ‘I, the Lord, am the first; And with the last I am He.’” Isaiah 41:4

Now I know. He was right there watching, waiting, loving, calling.  But I didn't yet have ears to hear Him, a heart to know Him. And, He knew.  Yet He stayed right there in the midst of my chaos and confusion, my struggle, my hurts, my pain. Just watching and waiting for me to learn my lessons. He never left, never stopped calling. Not for a moment. I did have a choice to make...

 The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

He is still waiting and watching. But He is oh so much closer than ever before. He has his fingers in my painting of blues, yellows, pinks, and grays and, yes, sometimes black. Because I've called His name, come into His presence with humility and repentance, with awe and wonder, with childlike faith, with heart and love surrendered. I've invited Him in and accepted His invitation to create a wonderful work of art together.

But He was always there. So much beauty in that past, in that presence, that persistence, that parent to child. He has loved me all the while. A matchless, timeless love. I am so very thankful for His presence even while I was unaware.  A comfort, a sense of belonging and purpose, of eternal meaning.

He was always there. I AM WAS and IS and WILL BE there. No matter what. And, He is LIFE, LOVE and LIGHT. Sometimes the road is rough and rocky, sometimes I don't know if I'll survive the storm. But, what more could I possibly ask for?  I know that I'm right where He wants me and I always have been.... I was on the road to Damascus. He was waiting to reveal Himself fully at the right moment. I once was blind but now....... I SEE!

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),  and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10