I do. Even more so as I grow older. Not with regret. With curiosity. Especially during those years when I walked apart from the Breath of Life. When I tried to fly solo and crashed and burned so many times.
Do you ever wonder, during those solo flights, where He was when you hadn't yet called His name? I did.
The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3
He is still waiting and watching. But He is oh so much closer than ever before. He has his fingers in my painting of blues, yellows, pinks, and grays and, yes, sometimes black. Because I've called His name, come into His presence with humility and repentance, with awe and wonder, with childlike faith, with heart and love surrendered. I've invited Him in and accepted His invitation to create a wonderful work of art together.
But He was always there. So much beauty in that past, in that presence, that persistence, that parent to child. He has loved me all the while. A matchless, timeless love. I am so very thankful for His presence even while I was unaware. A comfort, a sense of belonging and purpose, of eternal meaning.
He was always there. I AM WAS and IS and WILL BE there. No matter what. And, He is LIFE, LOVE and LIGHT. Sometimes the road is rough and rocky, sometimes I don't know if I'll survive the storm. But, what more could I possibly ask for? I know that I'm right where He wants me and I always have been.... I was on the road to Damascus. He was waiting to reveal Himself fully at the right moment. I once was blind but now....... I SEE!