I do. In different seasons of life for different reasons. My senses warn of the danger in the uncertainty ahead.
Forgotten. Do you ever feel that way?
I do. In smallness among the large, the powerful, the influential. In the urban sprawl. In my quiet amid the increasing noise.
Lonely. Do you ever feel that way?
I do. In the push and pull of everyday life. A lone ranger. In the thick of it surrounded by people, where you feel like you're drowning and no one cares. An ant in the colony rushing to and fro without end.
Right now, I'm in a season of feeling lost, forgotten and lonely all at the same time. My mind counts hours adrift, reflect on days gone by where my life had more defining moments, my purpose seemed more clear. My life is starting to look different than it did just a few short years ago. One subtle change after another. Some good, some not so good. Or so it seems.
The perception is that life is bit slower. A bit emptier, too. Unfortunately, my instinct is to grab and hold on to what is left rather than lose it all. I do know I can't. Change is inevitable. My attempts at it are like grasping for the wind.
So I try to fill the void with something else made, created, contrived. Creating a need and filling it. Pursuing a relationship with no real connection or purpose. Contriving busyness that serves no meaningful purpose. So I won't feel lost, forgotten, and lonely. So I will feel wanted, needed, useful. So the hole will be filled. By me. Do you have seasons like that?
It is times such as these that I question my future, my purpose, my reason for being. Fear and doubt creep in. They take hold and try to plant roots in my heart and my mind. You, too? But yet....
.....I know I have a purpose in Him. He promises me that. I realize He loves me unconditionally. He promises me that. It is the believing without seeing that is the most difficult. It is the water walking that creates the anxiety. The fear of depths, the fear of the unknown. Too many sharks. Too many giant squids that might take me under....
Over time, I've come to realize that being lost, lonely or forgotten is not what I should feel at any time. Yes, it is a fight with the flesh to overcome. It gets easier with time but a battle nonetheless. A spiritual battle won only by relying on Him who holds my future in the palm of His hand.
We live in a world where the general consensus is that we are suppose to 'have it all together.' We are suppose to have a multitude of friendships, be smart, lovely in appearance, driven to succeed, organized, successful in business or whatever endeavor we choose. To be alone, to not know where we are headed, what lies around the corner is perceived as a flaw, a failing.
Yet, that is not what the Lord tells us. We are ALL a mess on the inside. We all struggle. We are all lacking. Without Him, we are nothing. With Him, we are everything. An uncertain future is something we all have whether we want to realize it or not. We can make our plans but He directs our steps. With Him, our future is secure!
Faith. Trust. Two simple words that mean so much to Him. To have faith and trust in Who He says He is and What He capable of. Do I believe it? Really? With those two things, He tells me, I can move mountains. And yes, I can also walk on water....
....because I am NEVER alone; He is always with me. Because I'm NEVER lost; I'm right where He wants me to be. Because I'm NEVER forgotten; my future is secure with Him. No, I don't have it all together but, our great God does! And, I know He can do so much better than I could ever do.
So I wait.... I wait for Him.... I take His hand, walk out on the water, and wait, watch, listen.... Knowing He is there, He is love, and He works all together for good..... Come on in! I'll hold your hand... And, so will He!