Exactly Where He Wants Me

I have a muscular disorder. Unfortunate but true. I was born with it. My voluntary muscles contract involuntarily at various times, from head to toe, and stay contracted for extended periods of time causing stiffness, tightness, and some pain and discomfort.  I also experience muscle spasms, charlie horses, and occasional panic attacks when in open spaces.

Medication was prescribed when I was nine years old after multiple visits to various specialists to ascertain exactly what was wrong.  Once discovered, my parents eagerly rushed off to fill the prescription to alleviate their anxieties and free me from my physical bondage. The medication served me well until I stopped taking it due to pregnancy. I subsequently found out about the damage it was doing to some of my internal systems--adrenals, thyroid, liver--as well as my night vision and my heart.  Needless to say, the meds went 'out the window'.

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

So, I've 'stepped out' in faith. Spiritually and physically.

Been med free for six and half years now. I pray for His healing every day, crying out "Abba, Father". I won't lie to you.... It isn't easy.  I often long for the bygone days of running up a flight of stairs like a 'normal' person, going hiking up hills and down ravines, and attempting to pick up a pen or coffee cup without my hand being unable to grip until the muscles warm up a bit. Just walking across a shopping center parking lot is a challenge.

But, that is exactly where He wants me.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I know what your thinking... These verses apply primarily to spiritual bondage and weakness. And, you are right. However, I know that these physical symptoms can manifest themselves in spiritual ways.  I must remember that I can do all things, that He has set me free, and He is magnified each day as He gives me strength and confidence.  As He provides assistance, reassurance and encouragement through people. It becomes an intense spiritual struggle if I focus on my limitations and take my eyes off of Christ Who strengthens me. If I focus on the 'cannot', I am in spiritual bondage. If I only give credence to my perceived areas of strength, I am limiting my relationship with Him and His ability to do a work in and through me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

Because of Him, I am not fearful of the challenges I face physically each day thus breaking any chains and snares that lie in wait. He truly gives me what I need for that day. I am confident He will provide. I am fully dependent upon Him for my strength to push through each day thus He is magnified in my weakness.  If He calls me to do more, I know He will equip me! I am EXACTLY where He wants me to be. Fully surrendered!

In fact, all of us who struggle with infirmities of any sort, challenges, and/or differences that interfere or impede a 'normal' course of living are at an advantage. Of course, the rest of the world doesn't see it as such; we are weak, inferior, and/or incapable. Yet, WE step out of 'the comfort zone.' We become stronger, braver, more confident in who we are in Him because of our perceived inferiority. We gain a greater understanding of His love for us and His suffering.  There we find power. We conquer. We break the ties that bind. Again, we have the victory! And, to Him be ALL the glory!

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37