WHO'S THAT KNOCKING AT THE DOOR? PART TWO

(In December 2013, I wrote a post entitled "Who's That Knocking at The Door?"  You may want to read that post before this one to help tie things together.)

Sweet Snuggles

Almost a year ago, my sweet snuggler of a dog developed the routine of coming to my bedroom door during my morning quiet time and asking to come in. He and I would enjoy each other's company as well as my time with God and his time being pampered.

Unfortunately, during the past few months, our morning ritual has changed a bit.  He now comes to my room VERY early,  scratching, whining and waiting to be let through the door.  If I don't open the door right away, Snuggles will wait outside continuing to whine and scratch until I do so.  Not helpful in my pursuit of prayer and quiet time with my Creator.

Why the change?  Well, we have another morning routine.  Snuggles gets one stick of dog jerky for his 'breakfast'. When?  After my quiet time, when I go downstairs to grab my cup of coffee and something to eat. Hmmmm......

Apparently, the treat has become more important than the pampering. Now, the food is the driving force behind his desire to seek me out in the morning. Satisfying his fleshly desire is more important than spending time with me feeling loved, comfortable and cared for. Hmmmm...

I recently realized how easily I can fall in that same routine. It is a trap, really.  How often do I allow my 'to do' list or the dog himself to get in the way of my quiet time?  How often do I pray for my own desires instead His desires for me?  How often do I ask for things that satisfy the flesh rather than fill the spirit?  How many times do I ignore or deny His will and press on toward my goal rather than His? How often do I just sit and listen, look and wait for Him rather than rushing ahead on impulse? How much do I ask to be blessed without giving, yielding, serving, asking what I can do for Him or just being with Him?


Fortunately, I can think outside the limits of a dog's life!  Praise Him for that saving grace!  I can  recognize what has become routine, what has become habit and move beyond it. I can make changes to improve my time with Him, my walk with Him, and my relationship with Him. If I anticipate the blessings of the flesh, I miss the most important blessing of all: being His presence!  Missing my walk in the garden with Him. Missing opportunities to serve, to help another, to worship. I focus on self rather than Him and others.

I wonder how many times I've missed something wonderful that He has waiting for me. Some blessing, some gift, some answer to a prayer I haven't even prayed yet. All because my heart and mind are not stayed on Him. The rush ahead. The anticipation of the treat. Hmmmm....

After all, it is NOT about the TREAT; it IS about the RELATIONSHIP.  That beautiful relationship of love is something we take into eternity...... Nothing is more important. Nothing. And, that is where we will receive blessing beyond measure. The treat is truly worth the wait!

A LEGACY OF FAITH

Feeling a bit melancholy at the moment.... I just broke one of my favorite cooking bowls! A pale green mixing pitcher. Circa 1950. Yes, it was probably considered a collectible of sorts but the value in it for me was not monetary but emotional. It belonged to my mom....

If you've been a follower of my blog, you know my mom has been gone about six years now. Bittersweet parting, she and I. Yet, I have many fond memories of life with Mom including this small green mixing pitcher.  It is one of a few things that belonged to her that I elected to keep after her passing. Many a perfect pancake and cookie concoction came from this little treasure. (And, yes, I found it on eBay today for approximately $50.00).

Today, I dropped it on the kitchen floor when taking it out of the cupboard. It immediately smashed into several large portions and countless shards of glass. In an instant, my bowl was reduced to rubble! Too shambled to put it back together the way it was before. My treasure, emotionally and physically, was no more. A part of my heart broke with it....

I suppose, in a way, it kept my memories of Mom alive. The good ones. It was as if she was still with us in a small way. I still felt attached to her, remembered her in the younger years and the better times. And, I was hoping to pass that bowl on to my daughter. Now what....?

The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through Him might believe.  John 1:7

Now what, indeed! The physical reminders of Mom are fewer and fewer as time passes. I want to hold on to that keepsake!  How breaking it makes me long to see her that much more! For His kingdom to come, for all to be made right, for everything to be put under His feet.

 But our High Priest offered Himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then He sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand. There He waits until His enemies are humbled and made a footstool under his feet. For by that one offering He forever made perfect those who are being made holy.  And the Holy Spirit also testifies that this is so. For He says,

 “This is the new covenant I will make
    with my people on that day, says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts,
    and I will write them on their minds.”

Then He says,

“I will never again remember
    their sins and lawless deeds.” 

^{Hebrews 10:12-16 NLT}

Yet I know I must pick up the pieces and move on. In the here and now, it helps me to remember the important legacies that I will leave behind for my own children. Not just mixing bowls. The life lessons, the spiritual journey, the laughter, the love.  The intangibles. The treasures worth collecting.

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Matthew 6:21 KJV

To be a mom worth remembering rather than wishing and hoping to forget. No, not a 'perfect' mom. Just a mom who gives it everything she's got, fully relying on His power, pressing deepest into her faith in the weak moments, and flying by His Spirit everyday.  Being an ear and shoulder for them in the tough times, being tough on them and for them in their weak times, and on my knees when they need it and even when they think they don't. And, knowing when to let go and let God fully live in their lives rather than just through me. Passing on warmth, wisdom, wonder, and worthiness. His light. His love. Especially in the dark times when life doesn't make sense.

I will miss my bowl as I do miss my mom. As in all things, however, I must move onward in this journey remembering her limited legacy and doing my utmost in Him to leave something larger than myself for the blessings in my own nest. A treasure in a legacy of something, Someone larger than myself that will be here even when I am no longer. Something that can't be broken, taken away, or lost. Something that truly passes the test of time and transcends into eternity.... A legacy of faith.

"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."  Deuteronomy 6:7 KJV

"Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe which is instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure things new and old." Matthew 13:52 KJV

REMEMBER I LOVE YOU...

It has been almost six years since my mother entered eternal slumber awaiting the voice of the King to awaken her at His call.  My life has most certainly changed without her. A few changes for the worse: no motherly advise or words of wisdom, no grandmother for my children, no extended family. And, as God would have it, my life has changed in many ways for the better.

I do miss her. I miss her presence in my life. It wasn't always easy with Mom; however, there was comfort in knowing she was there, that she loved me, that she was family, that we had a long shared history together. Someone to share family recipes and memories with that no one else could. All of that goodness left me when she did. There is still a hole in that space for me. 

Our last days together were really more apart than together. (See my blog post "A Pillar of Salt").  So much strife, heartache, pain. I certainly don't miss that! Naturally, I was left with a sense of deep hurt, confusion and abandonment. Bitterness and resentment threatened to seep into my soul.  I pulled up my bootstraps, put on my armor and guarded myself through prayer, His Word and His Spirit.

It took me about three years to get to a place of peace.  I had forgiven. I had rationalized about what when on between us during those last days. I had talked out my feelings with myself, my husband, and with God. At times, I thought I had already reached the summit ready to conquer but alas, I was not able to plant my flag of victory because I wasn't really there. Something was not quite right. Something was missing...


My spirit struggled with the sense of ...... ?  Unforgiveness? Bitterness? I couldn't figure out what it was but I knew it was there. It tugged at my heart. So, last week, in prayer I asked Him to help me, to reveal whatever I was holding on to, whatever was holding me in bondage.

God is a god, the God, of details. He does care about the smallest of things.  As I do. I am a person of details. Most of the time. Because of this aspect of my personality, I keep a basket of cards I've received from people in my life that have been encouraging and edifying. When reread, the sentiments and details bring to mind truth during dark moments of questioning, struggle and doubt.

Well, I decided to 'clean out' that basket today. Guess what I found?!  A card from my mother. She gave it to me not long before she died. It is a beautiful Blue Mountain card with a prayer for a daughter written on it. And, on the back of the card, my mom wrote "I love you and I always want you to remember that.  Mom."  I read those words and burst into tears. I don't recall reading them before....

I needed closure. Those words provided sweet closure for me today. Though death and years have separated us, Mom and I have reconciled through those words. We have overcome the differences we had at the end of her life when Parkinson's robbed her of her body and her right mind. She knew things weren't right but, at that point in her life, she couldn't overcome her difficulties. Fortunately, Mom left me a love note. Despite everything, she still loved me. Those words were what I needed to hear at this moment and a most certain answer to my prayer. Through God's bountiful grace and mercy, Mom spoke to me beyond the grave, words of love and healing.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him for what He has done, is doing, and will do. It all has glorious purpose.  Praise Him who is a God of details leaving no stone unturned. Praise Him for being Love and for loving us so much that He gives us just what we need when we need it most!

And, the added beauty of it all is that these are His words to me just as much as my mother's words: "I love you and I always want you to remember that.... God." His love letter to me...and YOU!

"Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness;
He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous."  Psalm 112:4