These Things Remain....

Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, 

but then we will be face to face. 

Now what I know is incomplete, 

but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 

Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. 

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:12-13

FAITH

I have faith. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as Messiah and Lord. In His power to heal and save. I have faith. Faith in our heavenly Father who created all things through His breath and His Word.

Or so I think.... Or so I say....  But do I? Do I really?

A series of unfortunate events have entered our family scenario over the past five years or so. Small but significant in our lives. As time goes on, they bare increasingly collective weight upon us emotionally, physically and financially.

Things have intensified during the past several months in almost all these areas.  As Jacob did, I found myself wrestling with God on more than one occasion about many of these things.  Asking for His blessing. I've been on my knees in prayer many hours for many months over many of the same things. I do recognize the testing here. Waiting for the mountain to move. Waiting for the persistence in prayer to pay off. Waiting for resolution or absolution, whatever the case may be. It has not come. The pressure increases. The waiting is difficult. I know in my mind that the waiting will bear fruit but I struggle still.

Hard questions like this one come forth in hard times. The testing and trials of this life.  God wants us to back up our words with action. We say we have faith in Him but do we really mean it? He will test us in our faith. Guaranteed.

Do I have faith that He exists? Yes. Do I have faith that He sent His son to die for my transgressions, be raised again on the third day to new life? Yes. Do I believe that by confessing, repenting and receiving His gift of salvation, I receive His grace daily and have a future in eternity. Yes and Amen!

But yet....  Do I have true faith? If I don't have true faith, then I don't trust Him, do I?

Faith and Trust

Faith and trust go hand-in-hand.  Only through pure faith can you have complete trust in the Lord Almighty.  After all, He is unseen and often works in mysterious ways. You can't see Him, touch Him, smell Him. Not in absolutes like the things of this world. He defies explanation. He is beyond human comprehension. He is not of this world. Not of flesh but spirit. His instruction manual is one book, His Holy Word. Sounds simple but yet it isn't. He talks through prophets, apostles, angels, kings, parables and His Spirit. His technical school is on-the-job training through the school of 'hard knocks' in walking through this life one day at a time.  It takes a lifetime to learn His will and His ways.

Faith earns its muscle through the testing and trials of this life.  We do believe yet we lack faith. Our faith is often shallow.  We like to live in the faith that fulfills our human desires rather than the desires that God has for us. He desires us to become more like Him and acquire the things that are not of this world. To live in the Spirit rather than the flesh.

As long as things are flowing smoothly in our lives, we stand confident in our faith. However, when the winds of change blow our way and our world is turned upside down by the unforeseen, unexpected circumstances, we waiver. We grasp to hold onto something secure, something within our sphere of influence. We want to take control. We often put our faith in our own abilities to fix things. Our pure faith falters. Our trust walks right out the door taking our faith with it.  We fall on our faces suffering the consequences of lack of faith.

But then we remember Who is always in control.  Of EVERYTHING.

Who has ascended to heaven, and then descended? 

Who has collected the wind in His hands? 

Who has wrapped up waters in a garment? 

Who has established all the farthest points of the earth? 

What is His name, and what is His son’s name? Surely you know! 

Proverbs 30:4

HOPE

As this journey continues, I find myself taking things one day at a time most of the time. Thanking Him for life and breath, for blessings, and focusing on the positives. Having faith.  But then, the darkness will begin to close in, the oppressiveness of the situation looms large, and I cry out in desperation and fear. I have lost hope.  I have lost sight of the One Who is control of everything.

I must walk by faith and not by sight.   For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7  If I lose hope, I have a faith that falters. I forget that He is in control. That He works all things together for good. That He is for me, not against me.

In the trials and the testing, do I falter in my hope because of fear and doubt? Do I take Him at His Word and believe ALL of His promises or do I subject His Word to my own interpretations? Most importantly, is my love for Him conditional upon a smooth, trial-free life?

I need to remind myself that I can make my plans but He directs my steps. Do I place my hope in myself or in other people?  Do I place my hope in the things of this world?  My reasoning is faulty at best because I don't see the whole picture. I lack His vision.

LOVE

Perfect love casts out fear.  When I have doubt or fear, my love for Him is wavering. If our love for Him is pure, then we can boldly stand in victory no matter what the circumstance. We can trust in His ways and His will.

Love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Everyday and in every circumstance. Faith, Hope, Love. Fully devoted in heart and soul demonstrated by a fullness of walking life out in faith in His promises. Having the mind of Christ, to walk like Him, talk like Him, do what He would do. Living in the power of His love and pouring it out on others.

And, if love is the greatest of these, then we must walk out our lives in fullness of faith and hope knowing, beyond a doubt, that He is true to His Word always.  That He is LOVE. His love is honest, pure and unconditional. Our love for Him should be rooted in Who He is and not what He does for us.

FAITH, HOPE and LOVE

Faith, hope and love--they work together for our good. Faith and hope produce trust, obedience, surrender, peace, and the unsurpassed, unconditional love that He desires.  We want what He wants. Our will becomes as His. We must have a secure faith and unrelenting hope in Him to love Him as He deserves. Our relationship with God becomes more important than anything. As we draw closer to Him, He draws closer to us. The darkness will gradually fade and everything will be brought into His marvelous light. 

Faith, hope and love. They give us humility and confidence as we approach the throne of grace. With purity in these three things, we win the spiritual battle and attain perfect peace. His is our peace. We are solely devoted to Him through a pure faith, hope and love. Nothing can separate us!

But now, in union with the Messiah Jesus, 

you who once were far away have been brought near 

by the blood of the Messiah.

For it is he who is our peace. 

Ephesians 2:13-14

May the God of peace Himself 

make you holy in every way. 

And may your whole being—spirit, soul, and body—remain blameless 

when our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, appears. 

1 Thessalonians 5:23

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers,

 nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 

  nor anything above, nor anything below, nor anything else in all creation

 can separate us from the love of God

 that is ours in union with the Messiah Jesus, our Lord. 

Romans 8:38-29

I AM WAS THERE

Do you ever reflect on days gone by, times past, younger years?  Do you every reminisce and ponder the 'what ifs' of having made different choices? Where you'd be today and how your life would be different?

I do. Even more so as I grow older. Not with regret. With curiosity. Especially during those years when I walked apart from the Breath of Life. When I tried to fly solo and crashed and burned so many times.

Do you ever wonder, during those solo flights, where He was when you hadn't yet called His name? I did.

Who has performed and done it, Calling the generations from the beginning? ‘I, the Lord, am the first; And with the last I am He.’” Isaiah 41:4

Now I know. He was right there watching, waiting, loving, calling.  But I didn't yet have ears to hear Him, a heart to know Him. And, He knew.  Yet He stayed right there in the midst of my chaos and confusion, my struggle, my hurts, my pain. Just watching and waiting for me to learn my lessons. He never left, never stopped calling. Not for a moment. I did have a choice to make...

 The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

He is still waiting and watching. But He is oh so much closer than ever before. He has his fingers in my painting of blues, yellows, pinks, and grays and, yes, sometimes black. Because I've called His name, come into His presence with humility and repentance, with awe and wonder, with childlike faith, with heart and love surrendered. I've invited Him in and accepted His invitation to create a wonderful work of art together.

But He was always there. So much beauty in that past, in that presence, that persistence, that parent to child. He has loved me all the while. A matchless, timeless love. I am so very thankful for His presence even while I was unaware.  A comfort, a sense of belonging and purpose, of eternal meaning.

He was always there. I AM WAS and IS and WILL BE there. No matter what. And, He is LIFE, LOVE and LIGHT. Sometimes the road is rough and rocky, sometimes I don't know if I'll survive the storm. But, what more could I possibly ask for?  I know that I'm right where He wants me and I always have been.... I was on the road to Damascus. He was waiting to reveal Himself fully at the right moment. I once was blind but now....... I SEE!

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),  and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10

OUR FATHER...

If you read my last post, Gifts Divine, you know I've developed a new affinity for carrots. Well, I took my first carrot, this time willingly, out of the bag and began to munch!

I've been praying in recent weeks that our God Who is Overflowing with Grace would reveal to me any strongholds in my life and help me to become more than a conqueror over them.  I asked that He would help me see the things in my life that are hindering me from having a beautiful, complete relationship with Him. Bad habits. Emotional baggage. Addictions. False gods. ALL of it.

Now, I am in that place, right in the middle of that space, of difficulty and uncertainty. So be it. Amen. I asked Him; I yielded; He answered. Ouch....

Taking that first step, I asked that He would help me see anything I've clung onto concerning my strained relationship with my parents who are now at rest.  Yes, I do have and have had a lot of emotional baggage connected my relationship with them. I've conquered much but, apparently, I still have a lot of work to do. This time around, the God Who never Gives Up on me, brought my dad very much to the forefront of my mind and heart.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

My dad, though a good provider for our family, was very detached emotionally from everything that went on.  He was gone much of time for work, neglected his relationship with my mother and me, and was extremely self-absorbed.  His comments to me generally concerned the perceived faults I had and/or mistakes I was making, what a disappointment I was to him, and how I would never amount to anything.  That is it; my childhood with my dad (and some of adulthood) in a nutshell.

My dad has been gone for ten years. I have forgiven him many times over, realizing he was misguided and imperfect as are we all.  I discovered today, however, that I still struggle with his lack of love, acceptance and approval for me. And, I have transferred some of that sense of earning that love, acceptance and approval to my heavenly Father.

I know many struggle with this issue of transference. Though we truly believe that our heavenly Father loves us unconditionally, that Christ died for us unconditionally, it is an ongoing test to remember and live out these things. Old habits die hard. Truly.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;..." Isaiah 61:1

I believe I am at a crossroad in my life. A change of seasons, of conquering fear. I'm asking truly where He wants me to be a servant for Him. Asking Him how. He is silent. He has been silent for many months now.  The apparent opportunities in my circumstances to serve Him are growing fewer.  He has put a yearning, a tugging at my heart to do more, to do differently, to do deeper but nothing presents itself.  I wait. The waiting is hard. The uncertainty is harder still.

I know God's timing is perfect. His gifts are perfect. This divine gift of waiting, of seeking, of searching is stretching me, shaping me.  It hurts. My flesh screams and my heart aches being convinced thatI've done something wrong as I hear the Liar hissing that my Father doesn't approve or accept me... That I won't amount to anything...

In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory. 
Ephesians 1:13-14

God's silence is sometimes deafening. Yet, today I heard Him whisper "You don't have to do anything. I still love you, approve of you and accept you. Just wait. Trust Me and My love for you. I will provide when the time is right. For now, you must learn to receive the fullness of my gift....."

"...Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.

Your kingdom come.
YOUR WILL BE DONE.
On earth as it is in heaven.  

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD.  

And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.  And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. 

Amen." Matthew 6:9-13

 

This carrot is difficult to chew and even more difficult digest but oh so necessary for my spiritual health. Nonetheless, I am praising Him Whose mercies are truly new EVERY morning! I do truly want to be more like Him even though I do so dislike the pain in arriving there. Your will Lord, not mine, be done!

And so it goes... I'll keep ya 'posted'...!

 Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. 2 Cor 1:21-22