Not The Way We Expect It

It's the beginning of a 'new year'. On the Gregorian calendar anyway.  A time of reflection, reminiscing, dreaming, preparing, and planning. Gazing back and looking ahead. Now, for the loaded question:  Are you where you thought you'd be at this point in your life?!

When I was much younger, I was never really much of a dreamer. I was very much the obedient child doing as I was told and somewhat afraid to think 'outside the box.'  There were, however, certain ideas I had about what my future would look like.... (This is the part where we all chuckle!)

Here I am, in 2014, rapidly speeding toward my 52nd birthday and I can honestly say life isn't  AT ALL what I'd imagined it would be when I reached this stage.  In my young adulthood, I envisioned having a successful career, making a nice salary, marrying a career man who also had a comfortable income, owning a nice home, great car(s), having children, traveling once a year minimum, entertaining in my home on a regular basis sometimes using fine china and crystal surrounded by good friends and family and so on. You get the picture.

I can truly say that I have done all of those things but not in a way that I had imagined previously. None of them. The timing was different, the circumstances were different, the outcome was different. Really. And, it's not that I didn't plan as I am a planner. It's that I didn't consult with the Master Planner so I was somewhat unprepared for the outcome and the reason behind it.

Reminds me of two young fellows traveling the road to Emmaus from Jerusalem.  Deep in discussion and thought. Pondering the events that had taken place the past few days. Wondering why things didn't turn out as they thought they should. It didn't make sense:

Jesus of Nazareth, who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people suffered rebuke, torture and death yet He was supposed to be the One to redeem Israel!

Luke 24:19-24 (summary)

Not what they expected or planned for.  Nor did they plan to meet Him on the road, have Him reveal all things to them, dine with them, and vanish right before their eyes. Looking at life through the human lense rather than the divine. Don't we all....

And their eyes were opened and they knew Him. And He vanished out of their sight.

 And they said to one another, “Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked with us on the way and while He opened to us the Scriptures?”

And they rose up that same hour and returned to Jerusalem, and found the eleven gathered together and those who were with them,

saying, “The Lord is risen indeed and hath appeared to Simon!”

And they told what things were done on the way, and how He was known to them in the breaking of bread. 

Luke 24:31-35

Their eyes were opened! As they struggled to understand, He walked with them all the while. Never left them. Along the road. Into their home. Through His gracious act of teaching and revealing His divine purpose, in His humility in accepting their invitation and of dining and breaking bread with them, Jesus showed them the great mysteries of what happened and why. Things suddenly become clear, made sense. What these two men sought after, hoped for and prayed for was standing right before them. Just not in the way they had imagined.

And, so it is with us.  The pain. The suffering. The surrendering. The questions. With God, most things don't happen to us the way we thought they would. There is a purpose in everything.

I look at back at my journey over the past 51 years and see God's hand in so much of it!  No, it's not the way I had envisioned it; however, His ways are not my ways. My way would be self indulgent, temporal and of the flesh; His way is born of a perfect love and powered by an eternal purpose for me. 

A man’s heart deviseth his way, but the Lord directeth his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Honestly, I wasn't happy before, in my 'other life', when I was making the plans. I now know that I am truly rich when I let Him lay the path down before me. Yes, I have cars, a home, children, a husband, a career, family, and much more.  But not in the way I imagined it.  I don't fully understand all of it; as the years go by, my eyes continue to be opened to the mysterious things of the past.  He has revealed so much to me, opened my eyes to see the beauty of His ways and His purposes under heaven.

I don't look back with regrets; I look back with thanksgiving. For the spiritual gifts rather than material, the eternal rather than those things that fade away with time. For the deliverance from bondage. For the fulfillment in His love and in a treasure that waits for me in His Kingdom to come.... Not at all what I'd expected but, oh, so much better!

Does your heart burn when you spend time with Him?  Does your heart burn when He reveals Himself to you through His Word?   

• It doesn't happen until you have a heart seeking to understand and know Truth. 
• It doesn't happen until you have a mind knowing there is more than meets the eye.
• It doesn't happen until you have a spirit yielded to His will and life with Him.
• It doesn't happen until you break bread with Him, invite Him to dine with you, until He is your God and no other.
  

Even when we don't understand, even when things don't make sense, He walks with us never leaving us alone.  He waits for us to ask Him to help us understand, to ask for wisdom and discernment. He answers our questions; He wants to teach us, to show us. He waits for us to ask Him, to invite Him, to dine with us. Won't you break bread with Him so He will make Himself known to you and your eyes will be opened......?

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He hath anointed Me to preach the Gospel to the poor. He hath sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”

 Luke 4:18-19

"I am that Bread of Life." John 6:48

 ^"In Him was life, and that life was the Light of men.

 And the Light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not. "

John 1:4-5

A LEGACY OF FAITH

Feeling a bit melancholy at the moment.... I just broke one of my favorite cooking bowls! A pale green mixing pitcher. Circa 1950. Yes, it was probably considered a collectible of sorts but the value in it for me was not monetary but emotional. It belonged to my mom....

If you've been a follower of my blog, you know my mom has been gone about six years now. Bittersweet parting, she and I. Yet, I have many fond memories of life with Mom including this small green mixing pitcher.  It is one of a few things that belonged to her that I elected to keep after her passing. Many a perfect pancake and cookie concoction came from this little treasure. (And, yes, I found it on eBay today for approximately $50.00).

Today, I dropped it on the kitchen floor when taking it out of the cupboard. It immediately smashed into several large portions and countless shards of glass. In an instant, my bowl was reduced to rubble! Too shambled to put it back together the way it was before. My treasure, emotionally and physically, was no more. A part of my heart broke with it....

I suppose, in a way, it kept my memories of Mom alive. The good ones. It was as if she was still with us in a small way. I still felt attached to her, remembered her in the younger years and the better times. And, I was hoping to pass that bowl on to my daughter. Now what....?

The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through Him might believe.  John 1:7

Now what, indeed! The physical reminders of Mom are fewer and fewer as time passes. I want to hold on to that keepsake!  How breaking it makes me long to see her that much more! For His kingdom to come, for all to be made right, for everything to be put under His feet.

 But our High Priest offered Himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then He sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand. There He waits until His enemies are humbled and made a footstool under his feet. For by that one offering He forever made perfect those who are being made holy.  And the Holy Spirit also testifies that this is so. For He says,

 “This is the new covenant I will make
    with my people on that day, says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts,
    and I will write them on their minds.”

Then He says,

“I will never again remember
    their sins and lawless deeds.” 

^{Hebrews 10:12-16 NLT}

Yet I know I must pick up the pieces and move on. In the here and now, it helps me to remember the important legacies that I will leave behind for my own children. Not just mixing bowls. The life lessons, the spiritual journey, the laughter, the love.  The intangibles. The treasures worth collecting.

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Matthew 6:21 KJV

To be a mom worth remembering rather than wishing and hoping to forget. No, not a 'perfect' mom. Just a mom who gives it everything she's got, fully relying on His power, pressing deepest into her faith in the weak moments, and flying by His Spirit everyday.  Being an ear and shoulder for them in the tough times, being tough on them and for them in their weak times, and on my knees when they need it and even when they think they don't. And, knowing when to let go and let God fully live in their lives rather than just through me. Passing on warmth, wisdom, wonder, and worthiness. His light. His love. Especially in the dark times when life doesn't make sense.

I will miss my bowl as I do miss my mom. As in all things, however, I must move onward in this journey remembering her limited legacy and doing my utmost in Him to leave something larger than myself for the blessings in my own nest. A treasure in a legacy of something, Someone larger than myself that will be here even when I am no longer. Something that can't be broken, taken away, or lost. Something that truly passes the test of time and transcends into eternity.... A legacy of faith.

"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."  Deuteronomy 6:7 KJV

"Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe which is instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure things new and old." Matthew 13:52 KJV

HIS CHILDREN

 My son. My firstborn. My man/child.

A few days ago, he was in my womb. A day later he was talking. A day after that he was walking. Now he is growing hair everywhere, his voice is cracking and he is almost three inches taller than me! Almost overnight or so it seems.

Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her who bore you rejoice. Proverbs 23:25

I waited, somewhat unintentionally but mostly intentionally, to have my first child. (No regrets as I know there is a God-reason for everything.) As all children are special and certainly gifts from the Most High, the firstborn always have initial significance to the family especially Mom. They are the first of so much in the lives of new parents. Challenges, questions, education, prayers, trials, tears, joy, laughter, more questions, and more prayers. So it has been with our son.

My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9

I find myself staring at him in amazement periodically throughout each day. I marvel at the man he is quickly becoming. I wonder where the time has gone, how we’ve made it this far, and how we are going to making it in the remaining time he has at home with us. I praise God daily for this gift of a child (and my other as well) and what He is doing in his life.  What He is doing, not me.

My husband and I hold temporary custody of this man/child. We’ve been on our knees continually for guidance, wisdom, direction, inspiration, protection and provision. God has and continues to bless us many ways. Yes, even in the difficult phases and hard places. We both have grown together with our son. It is truly a privilege to bring up children and certainly not one to be taken lightly. Everyday of parenting brings us a little bit closer to understanding the character of our heavenly Father.

But our son does belong to God and God alone. God has a purpose and plan for this beautiful boy with a strong will, bright mind, tender heart and a love for his Savior. Our son needs to choose to follow that path of his own free will. We are thankful for and rest in that comfort. God is truly sovereign in all things.

As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. Psalm 18:30

Our pride and joy always has been and always will be in His loving hands. I cannot push and I cannot panic. I can only prod with the Shepherd’s prod, understanding His providence, and pass on the wisdom that God has granted me. I can be on bended knee for God’s will in this young man’s life as I know anything He has in store for him will be much better than anything idea I might have or any plan I might have made. Who am I to question God’s call on his life? After all, who knows my son better than the One who made him?  I trust God and God alone. 

If I truly love God with all my heart, mind and strength, I must yield to His control in all things concerning my children knowing He is working a much greater work than I can possibly imagine. I love this boy/man of mine, this treasure, this child of God, more than words can express...  I can't wait to see what God has in store for him!


I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14

  

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 2 Cor 3:17